Hilarious relatable stories about dogs

Latest

Klutz

That crash, those claws, I hear them everyday. Dogs just never seem to learn that racing over hardwood floors isn’t the same as the luscious lawn in the back. And that wall that’s been there for however many years, yeah, it’s not going to move out of the way when you decide to smack your head into it! Dog’s are just designed to be awkward klutzes I believe. Those huge legs, that big clunky head, and that long tail that has enough force to knock a person over! It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Fortunately they make for good stories, especially when you have people that decide to put turtle wax at the bottom of the stairs! There’s been so many instances where the dogs have been extremely excited to go outside or have her food, and they fly down the stairs & crash into the floor or sometimes the front door! You can hear the whole house burst into laughing afterward. The most enjoyable moment for me is when they finally remember to take a slightly slower pace, and my dog does one of those Scooby Doo run-in-place scenes!

Thud. Thud. Thud. Are dogs really not aware of their tails or even their heads? It seems like every time the dog is walking around the house, she runs into walls, nearly misses corners, and smacks her tail on every surface possible! Maybe it’s her way of getting attention, and of course she get’s it, except in the form of laughter! Even their feet are bad. There are times when we run on the trails & she will just walk straight off! She’s lucky that I have her on leash or we would’ve had to found some way to navigate down the trail-side on more than one occasion…  It makes me wonder how they survive in the wild, but that must be one of the reasons they stay in packs! A pack wouldn’t work well with my dog though… She tends to run better backwards rather than forwards… It’s a weird site because she jumps side to side as she does it as well!

What’s your dogs clumsiest moment?

Photography

We all try to get that perfect shot with us and our dogs having the best time of our lives, but it doesn’t always work out. Those amazing trails, with the most outstanding sights;they have to be kept as a memory some how! Only if it were easy to catch that “Kodak moment.” Only if it were that easy, I wouldn’t be writing about this!

Your first attempts will work out with a minimal amount of satisfaction. You may catch half of the dog’s head, but you’ll blink and use that as an excuse to delete it. Here comes that silly voice to catch the dog’s attention! Wrong move bucko! Now it’s play time and play time is not meant for sitting down patiently in front of that oh so beautiful waterfall. You’ll be pulled around, maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll avoid that muddy paw print on your new white pants. Too bad today’s not your lucky day. She jumps on you just wanting some kisses & love, wiping her beautiful prints across those freshly pressed pants. You quickly lick your finger and try to rub it off, only to make it smudge some more.

You’re on a mission now. You didn’t go through all that trouble just to walk away, no. You’re going to get this shot whether or not it takes all day! You’ll get the hang of it, eventually. You figure out the dog’s patterns and what will make her sit long enough to take that perfect shot. You smile, she…smiles(?), we’re all happy, and once you praise her for the great modeling she’s done, you let her off the leash to frolic about. You check that beautiful device of yours… Blurry. All that effort and on-the-spot training you put to use wasn’t good enough for your camera apparently. Not to worry though. You notice that some of your other attempts weren’t all that bad after all… Both of you are in the shot, for the most part. Both of you are having fun, so it appears at least. You have that shot you wanted, and more! You just gained an unforgettable memory!

*New Achievement Earned!*

Have any great/silly shots of you & your animals?

Those Voices

You’ve done them, don’t lie. We all have! You’ll be on the couch, the dog will be rummaging in the kitchen, and you let out some outrageously awkward, high-pitched call, and of course they will come running in like any other time. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll get the confused, side-cocked head look, but you keep babbling on as if you make sense. I bet they think we’re crazy… maybe you think I’m crazy; but I for one love to do this.

It’s as if she understands me better when I talk like a lunatic! I’ll start, she tilts her head, I continue on, she barks, and it could go on forever! It’s funny how serious they take it as well. You can go from high-pitched-happy-voice, to deep-dark-you-know-what-you-did-voice, and how they react is so…instant. They whine, they play-growl, and crouch down on their paws & knees only to spring back up to try to sneak a lick in. Now you’ve started something. Once she gets into this sudden-spring mode, everyone knows that it doesn’t stop there. You hear that tear of the carpet, that sound of claws sliding along the kitchen floor, and the galloping of a thousand horses stampeding behind you. She’s gone crazy & you can only counter crazy with more crazy, obviously.

You decide to take it outside, only for the well-being of others, but right as you open the door, she leaps down the staircase, almost taking out your legs, and sprints out of sight. The second you take one step out, she’s already made a lap of the house. Have you ever jumped with a dog? No, not that jumping. I’m talking about jumping on a trampoline with your K9 companion. If not, oh you’re missing out. Only if I could replace the whole backyard with a trampoline, I might have more of a chance at the battle that’s about to go down. Dogs go crazy on trampolines. You jump around them, teasing & laughing at their attempts to get you, but right as they are about to tackle your legs, you jump straight over them and they almost run straight off the side! Wait…. did you hear that? Is that more paws I hear digging divots in the pavement only to run faster? I think someone’s getting jealous of all the fun and has to make a running leap on to the trampoline. If one dog was crazy, can you picture two? Oh, one suggestion if you do decide to try this out… for some reason, dogs tend to grow a disliking for socks in these situations;keep them in your wardrobe. You’ll end up winning the battle. The dogs will end up with a new reason to fight, & all because you had to do your silly voices…!

How do your dogs respond to crazy voices?

Dog Walkers

Possibly the most dreaded part of a walk for some. Perhaps they do these things on purpose. Today will be all about the dog walker. Their positives, their negatives, and oh my the things they do. Sometimes I wonder what goes on within the minds of this strange species, but I’m probably better off not knowing.

First off, dog walkers are great, they run with a certain rhythm that separates them from the rest. For the most part, they’re the happiest people you’re going to run into outside of Disneyland. But that’s just about where the compliments end.

Those wretched walkers. Those oblivious pop-up-out-of-no-where magicians. Most of you know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the dumb things that dog walkers do. I don’t understand why some of you start going through a trail, and at the first sight of a person, you turn around when you’ve almost finished. Or those of you that hide, literally hide, far in the bushes and are only noticed once the howling and annoying barks make me jump. If your dog can’t handle being around people or other animals, why bring it through a trail designed for dogs & animals!? Yes I have encountered some people with decent reason such as other animal attacks, but most of the problem lies within the dog walker. I swear, when I go out with my dog, people just set up some system to catch me in areas I have no way of avoiding! Not to sound paranoid or anything… But back to trail walkers;if I’m on  bike, my dogs staring you down, please don’t stand there while I stop to let you go by. I know you think it’s polite, but really, I’m just trying not to fall into the river. Oh, by the way, it really doesn’t help when you carry ‘treats’ around with you. It’s just a disaster waiting to happen!

Then we have the rude, ignorant, & nasty walker. This type of walker doesn’t care what you’re thinking. He just lets the dog out because he has to. I really don’t understand why they let their beasts off the leash if they have absolutely no control over them. It’s not that I don’t love a big patch of yellow grass dead centre of the lawn, and another on the side, on the garden, & don’t forget that little present they left around the corner! If your dog isn’t “friendly” please don’t say he is & make an excuse after he starts lipping off. I don’t know about all of you, but there has to be at least one that can relate to me on this. There’s this neighbor of mine that thinks it’s perfectly fine to do pretty much all of the above & ignore his dog until the poor thing has howled for most of the day. He then thinks it’s a brilliant idea to let him run free around the neighborhood at 3 AM only to bark at my window for hours. That is the worst of all worsts that I have had to deal with. And all the dog wants is to play fetch, which we do occasionally. I just don’t understand these people’s minds!

What’s your worst encounter with the ‘walkers’?

Quirky

Dog are the oddest creatures. They can be wild animals jumping at everything they see, outstanding role models showing up all other dogs on the block, or the lovable, friendly dog that just wants to suck up to you all day. Unfortunately most of us fall under the first category,  but our dogs redeem themselves in one way or another.

We’ve all tried to teach our dogs to be that scholar of a dog, sitting on command, heeling before your hands lose circulation, and playing dead like the deadest dog you ever did see. Some of which did succeed & made it on to the daily walker list that everybody loves to talk & walk with, and others not so much. Others being those that just haven’t mastered that key concept…patience.

Not to worry though, some dogs pick up their own tricks on the way! One of my dogs, Audi, being the all-star of tricks can do anything you throw at her. She’s just one big ol’ lovable thing, unlike Diesel;the awkward, high jumping, stronger than a stallion, that only works on here own schedule or if cookies are in the equation. They both share one thing in common though; they have many quirky tricks up their sleeves.

Diesel is not the one to show off her behavior. She loves to chew, jump, and dig, but she has used some of these “talents” to her benefit. She loves to eat dandelions. It doesn’t matter if they’re big, small, flowery, or even in that form that you like to blow the seeds everywhere. On occasion, whilst biking through trails, I’ve attempted to go faster just to get her attention off the luscious yellow weeds flourishing inches from her face, but it hasn’t really been successful. We’ll be going as fast as possible, hitting every fly possible, and your heart drops for a second when Diesel stops, bringing the handlebars with her, veering you into the deep, nasty looking ditch, but you recover from it & continue on. Sorry, I kind of turned that positive around!

Audi the all-star loves to run. Though the small, heavy-set body doesn’t appear to agree with her speed, she books it. To get the best out of it, you must run through the trails with her, hoping that nobody is either on the trail, or watching from above, because who knows what what happen if they knew they had such crazy people in the neighborhood. So as I was saying… you first release the beast from the leash, and you run as fast as you can, trying your best to keep your feet on the path, and you hear that thunderous gallop of a thousand horses behind you. You quickly do a shoulder check, but you almost lose balance so you turn back. You didn’t see her & now is the time to worry. The sound gets louder and you try to leave as much space on either side of you as possible, and then it happens. She races past, kicking mud and rocks up in the air, most of which hitting your face, and then it’s over with. She’s gone, probably at the end of the trail for all you know, your heart’s bursting out of your chest, but it’s over with.

Not all dogs are show dogs, but they do have some unique talents. They may be handy like eating nutritious weeds, or just plain old entertaining. We have to notice these things and make the most out of them!

What’s your dog’s quirk?

Brawl

Tails flying, tables falling, barks echoing. It’s apparent to all that dogs just seem to fight over anything. The ball, the attention, the food, anything! My dogs aren’t an exception. Just as you think they’ve calmed down, another problem occurs.

The ball thief, Diesel, will tease Audi until she goes nuts! She circles around, always keeping one eye on Audi. Of course Audi falls into her plans and circles around with her, runs around the house, and tugs at whatever Diesel has. They jump and growl, but finally all manners are out the window. The ball goes flying, barks start echoing, paws are up in the air as they jump on each other, and then come the not-so-dangerous bites. After everyone’s tired of their rustling, they waddle on outside and park themselves in a nice sunny spot. One lays down, the other plants her head on the other’s back, and they stay silent until the next uprising.

It’s almost like our sibling rivalries.

Why?

We all know dogs love to eat, and mine especially. There’s some dogs you could hold a kibble to there whiskers and they wouldn’t even flinch, but then there’s my dog. Sure you can hand feed her if you want to lose a finger or two, I just wouldn’t advise it.

Every morning I let her out, and as we come in she sits on the stairs oh so patiently, but as you touch her collar to remove the leash, she whips her head back, books it around the corner whilst almost knocking you down, and she runs for the food dish sitting like an angel as if nothing had happened.  Grab a cup full. Watch her spin in circles as if that will get her more. Pour the kibble and watch her drop to the ground on cue. I look at her, she’s still hovering off the ground a little bit, so I wait 5 more seconds and she lowers… Get it I tell her and she does a Scooby Doo run-in-place type maneuver, dashing for the food and she eats it as if it were her last and she had to compete with a million wolves to get it! She scarves it down and of course she has to search all around the room to see if she missed one kibble, but she didn’t so she’ll have to lick the floor just because that makes sense, right?

I don’t understand these dogs that wolf down their meals every time, even though there’s nobody else around or even willing to go near her whilst she feasts. I suppose she will never change and that’s just a part of her “personality”, but geeze it can’t be healthy.

Any advice to those dogs/owners?